Greetings All,
Well, I know that I started my blog and then I rather abandoned it, and I do apologize. It has been a very stressful, and I can honestly say I never thought it would be so stressful as it has gotten so far in such a short time that I have been going to school. Alas, now it has calmed down and I am able to devote my time to other things and spread myself around a bit.
I am learning slowly and I do mean slowly how to it is to separate myself in order to get each and everything accomplished on time. I didn't realize how what it was going to be like when I first had this idea to switch from online schooling to actual campus based schooling. However I am not regretting the decision I chose but just a challenge and a challenge I am enjoying, just one it is taking a little time getting used to. It is one that I need to really figure out how to use my time wisely between getting my studies done without getting side tracked which is a task in itself coming from a person who has ADHD really bad, family time because I have 2 girls that are 13 years old and 2 years old totally separate ages of the spectrum and getting back into the swing of cooking dinner as much as possible. So with getting dinner made, I have come up with a solution on that one and I figured out that I will make dinner on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and maybe Fridays or else we have that dedicated to Pizza night. I figure I will definitely make dinner on Saturday and Sunday nights since those nights I can fix something early enough and I can still get studying in on Sunday nights and the baby a definite bath (well she does get bath other nights too but you know what I mean). My upstairs neighbor seems to have adopted my cooking too, well, I should say still since we once back in the day dated so he is more than happy to find out when the apartment became vacant and the bonus to moving in was knowing that he might be able to get some meals here and there....needless to say I never learned how to cook small meals, so when it was just my oldest and I living together for a short period of time I had the hardest time cooking..lol...I guess I am glad he is living upstairs cause I have someone else to cook for and give extras too!!! Plus, he is also a great babysitter for the little one when I need to give my 13 year old some time off!!
Another thing I have noticed that with going to campus school, and you will notice me using that phrase a lot when I talk as opposed to online school is that I am starting to become me again!! What I mean by that is I am becoming a bit happier again, even though I am stressed out. Just so everyone who will start reading this knows, I don't work and its not because I don't or choose not too, its because I can't. I am on disability for my back. I have had 2 major back surgeries that didn't work and the first one was botched. The surgeon is actually on trial right now for health care fraud and was already sued for malpractice for operating on the wrong side of the guys back. The surgeon who did my back actually put the wrong size screws in my back and they ended up going completely thru my spine and the fusion that they did never took. So I ended up having the second surgery. Well, I also found out they operated on the wrong level. I also have a congenital birth defect in which my spine never completely developed. Now you might think that is strange because I look fine but I also have a spine disorder called spondylosis and spondylolisthesis in which the vertebrae shift out of line anywhere from 10-100% and im between 50-75% and I also found my congenital birth defect and spondylolisthesis might very well be linked to spina bifida occulta, but not 100% sure, so don't quote me on it.
Now, getting back to my original thought, I haven't worked since Feb 2009, had my 1st surgery in 2010 and my second one in 2012 so needless so to say I haven't really had much time to hold a real job but I have hit bouts of depression and it has really taken a toll on me. The old me hasn't surfaced for sometime due to the fact that I haven't really been out of the house. I used to waitress for a living, actually I did it for 12 years as a single mom so going from doing that to smack staying home doing absolutely nothing, definitely takes a toll on a person...I needed to change that and that's why I chose to go to campus school, I needed to get out of the house and socialize. I actually love getting out of the house and meeting everyone that I have so far, its actually pretty awesome, however every so often I do feel a little out of my element. I see all these young kids, who are skinny young girls and then I look in the mirror and I see me who is 35 with 2 kids...lol...but hey, I think I look pretty good for my age!!! I have to since I can't change it or do anything about it. I feel good most days, yeah I have my pain everyday but I take my meds, get in the shower (which is a task all in its own) have my coffee, do my hair and make up, and it feels good cause I have more a reason to do my hair and make up... I have new clothes to wear and that makes me feel good and I go to school and I have friends that I have made, even if I only see them at school, it still feels good.
I think it is something that needed to be done, getting enrolled at school. I was miserable just sitting at home. Even though I have been a bit stressed out with a couple projects that have been due. All I was doing was sleeping and then laying around the house getting nothing done, feeling hopeless and empty. I felt like there was nothing for me worthwhile around here and now I feel like there is something more. So we shall see where this leads and what comes from it. If nothing else I am happier now and it seems like everyone around the house is happier too.
Well, I have to finish dinner and get some studying done.
Until next time,
Kelly lynn
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